A few times a year I find myself drawing back here to write during crazy transitions in my life. It seems that things get so bottled up in my head over the months and I get to this breaking point of needing to get it out somehow. Thus, writing comes in. Now I guess I understand why people call writing "therapy."
But you know what I mean. Lots of changes have occurred or are going to occur soon and lately I've found myself having a really hard time taking it all in.
This past January I moved out for the first time, only to have to move back home after 2 months due to some unfortunate circumstances with my apartment. At the time I was super upset and honestly felt like a failure. It's not fun to tell people you have to move back in with daddy because apparently you can't afford a healthy and safe place of your own...only dump yards. Yep. Anyway, moving on. It took me about a month of transitioning back home before I started realizing that I needed to stop seeing things through a negative scope.
I've always been a positive and optimistic minded person, for the most part. So it was strange that over the last 3 months I'd just felt a dark cloud looming over me. I was so focused on what wasn't working out in my life that I forgot to look at the potential opportunities laid out in front of me.
That's why over the last couple months I decided I need to reevaluate what I wanted out of life and how to make it happen for myself.
I haven't been happy at my day job for quite a while, really the last 6 months or longer if I'm honest. It's not the company itself. I love the owners and my coworkers are great. The work itself isn't hard...and maybe that's part of the problem. I haven't felt challenged or any growth happen in this last year. I do the same monotonous duties everyday and they aren't enjoyable or motivating. I got to this place where I realized I can't settle for a job that isn't a career, where I spend half my days getting yelled at about pointless things and the other half surfing Facebook because there's not enough work to do.
So as of next week, I will no longer be working for the company. It's a huge step and I'm pretty nervous about, however I can't wait to start the next chapter in my life towards finding what I want to do. And let's be honest, what better time than when you don't have all the expenses of living to tie you down?
So while I take this next move, I've also decided that I want to travel and see more of the world. Adults always say "travel while you can," so I'm taking the leap! After graduating college I thought I needed to follow the norm and get a full time job wherever I could, move out, blah blah blah. But you know what? That hasn't turned out so well for me. It might for others, but I know now in my heart that I need time to be with myself, grow and enjoy life more. As I learned 4 (almost 5) years ago, life can be taken from you at any point without a second glance to take every chance that comes your way.
I'm still a mess and probably always will be, but life is messy. It never goes as you want or expect it to unless you mentally decide to make the change in your heart and love things as is. I hope to find encouragement and in return give encouragement to anyone that needs it. :)
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